Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behaviour. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation... (Colossians 1:21-22)
I know I'm not alone in struggling with this passage. It's not that I doubt its truth, but there is a huge disconnect between the way this passage describes what God has done for me with the way I experience life. Each day I struggle with sin, each day I wrestle with the fact that there is a part of me that continues in rebellion against God that just won't die. This passage just seems so past tense - I am reconciled now.
The problem is that right now, I feel alienated.
Right now, I am all too aware of the fact that my following Jesus can look more like a 5-year-old who keeps wandering off from his Dad, than a disciple steadfastly following his master.
How can I be at once alienated from God and reconciled with him?
I believe I am this way because otherwise I would lose the sense of the grace God has given me. My feeling of alienation from God is a continual reminder of my need for his grace.
Without an appreciation of the disconnect between the reality of who God has made me to be and the experience of the way I am now, I would have the chance to be proud of the amount I have changed. Instead, I am painfully aware of the fact that it is only by grace that I can stand before God, because there are still parts of me that stand in rebellion to God.
I am reconciled to God, and one day will be presented as holy, "without blemish and free from accusation". That isn't to say that I will have lived an existence free from sin since the day I was reconciled to God; but by his grace there are no accusations left to level at me, no blemishes left to condemn, because they have all been paid for by the blood of Jesus.
I may not be perfect, but when one day I stand before God, no one will be able to accuse me of imperfection.